Taking off the mask

well guys, i gots some good news and some bad news.

let's start with the bad so i can end this on a good note.

I resent my Dad for the fact that he's never been a Dad to me. That he's chosen alcohol over me for the eighteen years I've been alive.

but here's how this might change.

rather than hold it in and keep the pain bottled in, I'm going to tell my Dad how i feel.

and also, he might be getting a divorce, so he won't have a bi polar psycho beast of a woman around to call the cops on him when she starts fights.

so maybe after that he can quit drinking

then i can have my dad back.

all are big maybes.

but i know my Dad is in there somewhere, i see him all the time when he's sober.

but the sight is rare and hardly seen, even by family.

and my family is VERY close down here.

but here's the good news i mentioned.

while at church camp, God laid down a little truth for me.

he told me everyone isn't Johnny. that it's okay to accept the love of others. that it's almost impossible to love others if you can't do this first.

but that's the next step, and I'm not sure how, when or where I'll get to it, but I'm taking steps.

but I've made a covenant with God on the youth room floor, looking him in the eye, and he's going to keep up his end, and my end really was that i wanted him to keep his end no matter how much i resisted.

so now my path has guard rails on it.

oh, and i got a new sword.

it's big and shiny, and it makes me happy.

that's it for now, so until next time...