The sins of the fathers become the crucifix of the sons...
How many die in vain?
I saw my father in a friend of mine today...
I saw who my Dad was at my age, the way he thought, the way he felt... all I had to do was mentally envision my face to my friend and there he was... Dad looking back at me.
I've watched my dad cry himself to sleep because of the choices he's made... all the things he could have done and didn't... should have done but wouldn't... did but shouldn't have.
I saw in my friend the moment my Dad wanted to take it all back...
My friend lacks this wisdom...
I can do nothing but hope...
Hope lives...
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I cannot tell you how many times I have seen myself in girls I meet.
ReplyDeleteThey'll tell me about something they've done or how they feel about something, and suddenly it's like I am thirteen again, standing on top of a bridge with my best friend and feeling like total trash.
And it's so hard to see someone else feel that broken, like they have absolutely nothing to live for, like no one could ever possibly love them because they're too messed up, too ugly, too broken.
One of the hardest things in the world for me is watching someone else go through the same things I went through, knowing there's little I can do to make it better.
It's like I'm physically incapable of saying, "Me, too." I want to tell them it's going to be okay, that they are beautiful and smart and worth dying for, that they don't have to feel this way.
I want to tell them that hope lives.
But instead, the words catch in my throat and I walk off feeling thirteen all over again.